Introduction
For all the mothers there are in the world, and all the mothers who have
existed throughout history, I still can’t help but think that mothers may be
some of the most misunderstood people on Earth.
Among the most misunderstood mothers of all may be the mothers of grown
kids. It’s not at all unusual for grown
kids to think a mother’s motives are something completely different from what they really are, and it doesn’t
help that so many people in the world are not mothers and, as a result, don’t
have a clue about how it really feels to be one. When the matter involves mothers of grown
kids there are men, children, childless women, women whose children aren’t yet
grown, and even other mothers of grown kids who think very differently from
“most normal mothers”. Even among
mothers who have grown kids, it doesn’t help that problems/challenges between
individual mothers and individual kids can be very different. As a result, it’s easy enough to see how a
mother who is having differences of opinion with a grown child may find herself
feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Another factor may be that mothers of grown kids aren’t as likely to
discuss their child’s personal business with others. It’s one thing to talk about whether one’s
toddler has begun to speak yet. It’s
another to talk about some of the kinds of issues mothers can have with grown
sons or daughters.
And so, in the equation that is made up of a mother and a grown child, at
least one side of that equation (if not both) never really gets factored in
when grown kids (and others) use the
“putting-two-and-two-together-and-getting-three” approach in trying to
understand why mothers sometimes do or say some of the things they do.
The following discussion addresses the matter of whether it’s usual that
mothers complete with their grown daughters out of envy. Written from the perspective of a mother of
three grown kids, my discussion is aimed at calling attention to some factors
in that “mother side of the equation”.
My hope is that the reader’s better understanding, and (possibly)
increased awareness, of those factors may help prevent some instances of
putting two and two together and getting three.
Do Most Middle-Aged Mothers
Compete with Their Grown Daughters Because They Envy Their Daughter’s Youth?
- One Perspective That May Surprise Some
Daughters and Others
Not long ago I ran into a discussion about whether or not mothers of
grown daughters compete with their daughters out of envy. My immediate response in seeing that question
was that most mothers don't compete with their grown daughters out of
envy. Some mothers "with
issues" do, but that's not most mothers.
Upon thinking more about it, I think it's far to over-simplifed to say
that most mothers don't but some with issues do. If you'll notice, the question isn't just
about whether mothers compete with daughters, but it included envy as the
motivation. I really don't believe envy
is motivation behind a lot of apparent "competing-against-daughters"
that some mothers do (sometimes frequently, sometimes only once in a
while). There's a reason, though, that
the idea of mothers' competing out of envy is out there (and maybe to the
degree that it could be called, "a widespread misconception").
There are, I believe, different elements at play when it comes to this
"widespread misconception". Wrapped up in that question are both the
matters of envy and competition. First,
I'll address the element of possible envy as a motive. Following that I'll address the matter what
appears to be, or may actually be, a mother's competitive behavior toward her
grown daughter. Everything I'm offering
here is just my own experience or observations.
I have no doubt that there are mothers who feel differently than I do.
(Contrary to another widespread misconception, neither all mothers nor all
women "all think alike".)
Following the matter of age is the matter of envy as a possible motive
for competitive behavior. The matter of
possible is broken down and addressed immediately below. Since I've already
asserted that envy isn't something mothers without "issues" tend to
have toward their grown daughters, what follows is aimed at pointing out why
the assumption of envy can so often be so misguided.
The Breakdown of "The Possible Envy Factor" (From One Middle-Aged
Mother's Perspective)
- Whether the person perceiving
a mother's apparent competing behavior has grown children him/herself, or is at
least old enough to have grown children.
Young people make a lot of assumptions about what people older than they
think, or what their motives are.
Because of that, the matter of age is worth mentioning.
- The matter of women's
appearance and how much it matters to them is also worth addressing here.
- Having a daughter can mean a
mother has new things to think about when it comes to nurturing.
- Some things I wanted for my
baby daughter.
-Some things I've discovered
about having a grown daughter.
Before Addressing the Above List, A Briefer Reply to the
Question-in-Question
As a mother who doesn't have the slightest bit of envy toward my grown
daughter (who has, as they say, "everything going for her"), I
thought I'd break down some of those elements that, I think, can go into that
misconception; and offer my own thoughts on each of them.
With regard to a reply to this question, I can say - with complete
candor and certainty - "absolutely not in my case". Since I assume a whole lot of other mothers
would have the same reply to this question, I'm also going to assume that it's
reasonable that I venture to speak for that "whole lot of mothers"
when I assert that "normal" mothers don't compete with their
daughters out of envy. I, personally,
don't view my daughter as a rival of any sort; but saying that SOME mothers
don't compete with their daughters out of envy isn't the same thing as saying
that none ever compete with their daughters out of motivations other than
envy. Also, as with all
"issues" involving less than ideally "emotionally solid" individuals,
there are SOME mothers who do envy their daughters. Those mothers aren't most mothers,
though. They're mothers with
"issues".
My daughter is twenty seven; and not only do I adore her, but I’m proud
of her.. To be honest, while I respect
that she's an individual, I like to take some credit for the person she
is. I don't even like the phrase,
"proud of her", because she's an individual in her own right. Maybe it's more accurate to say that I'm
happy for her that she's all the good things that she is (inside and out)
because it's nice to go through life being one or another kind of "good
thing".
Assuming That "Less Than
Happy" Older Women Envy Younger Women.
(Younger People Don't Have A Clue About How Happy Older People
(Including Women) Can Be With Themselves And With Their Lives.)
What a lot of people don't
realize when they're younger is that being older isn't such a horrible
thing. I have my life and my aims. I'm really glad to not to be looking at a
blank slate of a big stretch of future; because it's incredibly rewarding to
see my family all here, all built, and see how they (and I) have turned out so
far. It could be that I'm one of the
many people (including women) who doesn't have a shred of envy in me
(regardless of whom the person is or what the issue is).
When a lot of people (most, I'm guessing) are, say, in their twenties;
they'll look at others in their fifties (or whatever age they deem to be
"middle aged" or "old") and think, "OMG. I'd hate to be that old." Until someone has reached whatever
middle-years age it is he can't know how happy a person can be in her middle
years. Difficult as it may be for
younger people to believe, a whole lot of people (including women) are far
happier in their middle (and later) years than they were when they were
younger. When you love someone in a
healthy way (especially your own child), you respect them too much as an
individual to ever reduce them to being someone you'd compete with or envy.
There can be another factor when it comes to how daughters view mothers;
however, and that is that children can be "little judges" when it
comes to parents, and daughters (who are figuring out what kind of woman they
want to grow up to be) will decide what it is about their mother that they want
to emulate, but also what it is they never want to emulate. With this judging eye, daughters will think
to themselves how they'll do things differently and why. They may or may not express it or show it,
but daughters (especially once they get to their teen years and beyond) can
have a running, private, "competition" going on in their own mind
when it comes to how their mother does things or thinks. So daughters (kids in general, and with
regard to parents of both sexes) can kind of live in a "competitive
mindset", especially with regard to their mothers. In the meantime, the last thing on most
normal mother's minds is competition.
The twenty-year-old who has, in her mind, been pitting her mother's way
of doing things against her own doesn't have a clue that her mother has been
viewing her in a very different way (and without any trace of competitive
nature).
The Matter of Appearance (and Even "Fading Looks") - Straight
Talk About Being Happy With One's Appearance, A Middle-Aged Mother's Thoughts
Someone in the discussion mentioned that middle-aged women are past
"their glory days". People can
have different ideas of "glory days", and there's no doubt some of
the most middle-aged-and older people can be people who measure themselves and
others on by whether or not they're good looking (and having even a few lines
and wrinkles aren't, by most standards, considered the most ideal thing when it
comes to being attractive). By the same
token, there are a lot of very young people (girls and women) who certainly
don't measure "glory days" by whether the face in the mirror is at
the height of "adult-but-youthful".
Younger women especially may, in fact, be more prone to be particularly
pleased if they like the face they see in the mirror (and if they get feedback
from others that reinforces how nice it can be to possess that "good
thing" of attractiveness. That can
be because the more meaningful things in life haven't yet come their way and
caused them to place less emphasis on appearance. It can be because they haven't yet had enough
tests of who they are "as a person" to see more important ways than
appearance that they do, or don't, measure up.
It can also be simply because a lot of young women have little else to
think about than school and work, their social life, and whether or not they
they're pretty enough by their own, or someone else's, standards. There's nothing wrong with the fact that
young women often view their own (and others') appearance in terms of whether
or not their own appearance measures up.
It's all part of being young, growing up, putting the finishing touches
on "identity" and values (so none of this is knock to young women who
are happy with being young and attractive; if, that is to say, they are
attractive. None all young women are all
that attractive. That's a point worth
mentioning here too, because youth, alone, doesn't always equal attractiveness
OR "glory days" (regardless of how one defines "glory
days").
As far as looks go, I'll break away from presuming to speak for other
middle-aged mothers here and speak only for my own, middle-aged-mother
self. I'm no super-model, but I didn't
look like a super-model when I was twenty either. Then again, most young women don't look like
super-models, and even super-models don't always look all that
"super-model-y" without the help of make-up and hair professionals
and special photographic effects.
In any case, I was among the vast majority of young women who would
never be super-model material, so I had to figure out how to make the most of
my "not-horrible-but-not-super-model-either" looks. The way I see it, however, is that learning
that when I was young served me well as I've started to see some signs of age
showing up. The difference between not
looking like a super-model when we're young and still not looking like a
super-model when the fine lines show up isn't really worth mentioning. There were things about myself I didn't like
then, and I still don't like them now.
Here's the thing, though: Even as
a young girl and young woman, I've never been shallow enough to think that what
anyone (myself or anyone else) looks like is the measure of either a person or
"glory days".
Maybe things would have been rougher on me if I'd ever outgrown the kind
of insecurities about my own appearance that fourteen-year-old girls often have
but do outgrow (somehow). I have high
standards for everyone, including myself; so even though I've never seen myself
as measuring up to those high standards of "perfect looks", very few
other women measure up to that standard in my eyes either. Basically, if one doesn't look like the
air-brushed version of a super-model, or else like one of the many versions of
the Barbie doll that have come out after the "uglier" version of my
own set of original Barbie dolls were out, that girl or woman (in my view)
belongs in the "less-than-perfect club" and shouldn't be too carried
away with own (even youthful) appearance.
BUT, maybe that's just me. Either
way, those high standards of "perfection" (and not measuring up to
them - ever) have served me well in my being used to not looking like a
super-model or Barbie, but finding ways to make the most of who/what I am and
being happy with that much. Or, to put
it another way, I don't look like a "monster" in the mirror and don't
have two noses, so I'm happy.
My Baby Daughter - New Things To Think About After Having Two Little
Boys - Asking Myself What It Means To Be A Girl/Woman
When my daughter came along after my two sons, I was as committed to
"raising a human being first and letting gender take care of itself"
as I'd been with her brothers. I wanted
my child (who happened to be a girl-human-being, rather than a boy-human-being)
to grow to be kind, honest, smart, strong and all kinds of important things;
but very much enjoying the aspect of myself that felt uniquely feminine, and
knowing how little girls' self-esteem is often impacted by whether or not they
see themselves as pretty, I asked myself what it was that I could try to
nurture in my daughter that would help her feel pretty but also help her be
comfortable with any flaws (real or perceived by her) that may eventually show
up in the reflection she'd see in the mirror.
I wanted to immunize my daughter against being "flaw-focused",
and I asked myself what it was about my own sense of being a girl or woman that
I most valued. The answer to that
question was that I loved that I felt feminine and graceful, and I loved the
fact that aiming to look or feel graceful, feminine, and/or elegant were not
dependant on the direction Nature took one's facial features. To me, appreciating and enjoying my own
femininity was the thing that had made not looking like Barbie at all a big
deal or big problem for me.
Whether or not I was in front of a mirror, I most often felt pretty
enough. (Of course, when I would find
myself looking in the mirror and seeing someone who wasn't nearly as pretty as
I felt it could be a depressing shock (lol); but I think the sense of
self-esteem that I had from being happy enough with who I was, and how I felt,
on the inside helped me deal with those many occasions of "mirror shock or
depression". In any case, when I
looked at my beautiful, tiny, baby-daughter and wondered if there was something
extra I should think about as I nurtured her; I decided that the
"something extra" was trying to help my little daughter "know
her feminine grace and elegance" as a girl and, eventually, a woman. That didn't mean that I wanted to turn her
into "a princess" or a "fairy princess". I wanted to raise a strong, smart, daughter
of solid character and independence. I
just also wanted her to enjoy that most fundamental thing about her, which was
that she was girl and would one day be a woman.
I did consider the possibility that my baby daughter wouldn't turn into
a girl who felt, or cared a lot about, any "feminine grace and
elegance". I would have been fine
with it if she'd turned into someone who didn't have a shred of either to her
name. It was just that I thought that
most girls do start out with that sense of grace and elegance. (That's one reason so many little girls of
parents who want to raise them strong and "equal to men" so often
dismay their parents with their penchant for Disney princesses.) So, I knew I'd be fine if my daughter turned
out not to be one for feeling graceful, elegant, and feminine. I was prepared to make adjustments in my
approaches if that's how things started to turn out. I just knew, though, that the chances of a
little girl's having that tendency to love feeling feminine and
"princess-y" were pretty good, and I didn't want to neglect that
aspect of a daughter's nature.
It's important to point out that I didn't "nurture my daughter's
elegance and gracefulness" by only letting her wear "princess
clothes" or do "princess things". What I wanted to teach her was how to do
something that can one of the biggest challenges for a girl or woman, and that
is to be strong, smart, sensible, and "equal" without sacrificing her
femininity, grace, and elegance. Too
many people don't recognize that feminine-looking girls and women can be smart,
strong, and "equal" (or better in some instances). Too many other people (or sometimes the same
people) too often seem to think that the only difference between men and women
are things associated with reproductive parts.
Also, a whole lot of people too often associate only a nurturing role
with women.
I wanted my daughter to know that part of her that was more important
than having perfect facial features; less important than being a good person, a
kind person, a strong person, a smart person, or whatever other desirable
traits there are; or so much more meaningful in some ways than whether or not
she would one day give birth to her own child/children. I hoped my daughter would know the aspect of
her femininity that would sometimes be the frame within which the rest of who
she was viewed, sometimes be the foundation on which who she was would be
built, and sometimes be the light that would guide her with regard to any
number of choices (big or small) with which life would present her.
The Heart Speaks When We Look At Our Baby Daughters
It wasn't that I wanted her to be "all kinds of good things"
for me. When I'd look at my newborn daughter and think of what I wanted for
her, it was that I wanted her to be all those good things for herself - not for
me. I knew what things helped make a
person feel happier and have a sense of self-esteem; and when I'd look at my
tiny baby daughter and think about how I'd be "molding" a brain in
the earliest years of her life, all I ever wanted for her was that she knew how
much I loved her and would grow up to have the kind of self-esteem that
increases people's chances of being happy.
The Heart Sometimes Speaks Louder When We Look At Our Grown "Little
Girls"
When I look at the person that sweet little baby girl has turned into,
I'm pretty damned delighted to see all those "good things to be",
including being pretty, that my daughter now enjoys. When I look at my daughter (but also her
brothers), there's something very "glory days" about how I feel right
now, right where I am - fine lines showing up or not. I'm so much happier and more whole being
who/what I am right now than I was when there were no fine lines showing up in
the mirror. I look at the three people
who aren't just the "products of decades' worth of thinking, worrying,
planning, working, and loving more than so many people could ever imagining
loving. I see them as people who came
into my life and made me so much better a person than I ever would have been
without loving, and growing with, them.
Children (grown or otherwise) are yet a different kind of guiding light
in life; and far from competing with my daughter, I'll never be able to express
the gratitude I have that she (and her brothers) have been those beacons that
led me to be the person I am today. When
you like the person you are, and the person you've shown yourself to be, you
also tend to be OK enough with what you see in the mirror - including those
fine lines under the eyes.
OK, Envy's Been Addressed (Hopefully), But How About That Competition
Part of the Question?
I think lots of times what some people interpret as envy is often
something else. There are some mothers
who envy their daughters, I know; but they aren't "regular" mothers
who have a normal, healthy, "under-control-ego", love toward their
child. What can look like competing can
sometimes be that a lot of mothers simply don't like something their daughter
does and kind of get into a debate/power-struggle type of thing about who is
right. That's not competing, at least
not competing the way we usually think of "competing". That's the mother thinking she's right when
maybe she isn't (or maybe she actually is); and it sometimes happens when the
daughter thinks the mother "doesn't know anything", the mother gets
aggravated at that, and kind of "gets her back up" about her own
"stand" or ways of doing something.
Since it may not occur to the young person that she, herself, may
actually be wrong about something (because young people are known for believing
they're right and older people are wrong), she may interpret her mother's
getting her back up about something as "competing" and then imagine
that it must be envy.
Mothers
and daughters don't always think alike. They're individuals.
Sometimes the mother may be right. Sometimes the daughter my know
better than
her mother does. Sometimes neither is
right or wrong, and it's just a matter of opinion, preference and/or a
different personality or aims. Too
often, a mother may actually know better than her daughter (about
something
that isn't a matter or opinion or "debatable"), but without her
mother's "well of experience" from which conclusions are drawn, the
daughter may think her mother is "pulling that idea out of thin air",
"being old fashioned and not with the times", or "trying to
control her". In fact, a daughter
(or any younger woman) can imagine all sorts of motives and flaws in the
older
woman's thinking that simple don't exist.
So, sometimes mothers are actually right. Whether or not being right
matters very much
can depend on the issue and whether someone's (like the daughter's or
grandchildren's) health or safety are at stake. It doesn't matter so
much if
the mother thinks her daughter may one day regret having worn one kind
of
clothing or another, which she happens to think is "the height of
fashion"
or "cool" today.
Mothers can be wrong too, though
- terribly, terribly, wrong sometimes.
Daughters know that. A lot of
other people know that. A lot of mothers
can't imagine that there's the possibility they could be wrong.
In any case, depending on how important the issue is (or at least how
important each woman sees it), there can be a lot of digging-in-of-heels when
it comes to who is right and who wrong, as well as who will change their ways
or plans. Where, exactly, the line is
between over-stepping boundaries and not only being well within them, but being
a matter of meeting one's responsibility as a mother, can depend on the age of
the daughter, what's at stake, and any number of other things. That line can move as a daughter continues to
mature (or at least it should move in a whole lot of instances). Some mothers
are pretty good at naturally knowing when to move the line. Others take longer than their daughters would
prefer but eventually get there. A lot
of mothers, however, don't seem to realize that there is that line and any
number of other lines that either need to be moved or else eliminated as their
daughter matures.
As a result, those power-struggles and "competitions"
regarding who is right and who is wrong happen.
While where any lines should be drawn can be tricky between mothers and
teen daughters, the way it's supposed to work is that daughters grow up and
mothers (pardon the phrase) back off; and both are supposed to live happily (or
at least peacefully) ever after. One
problem can be that as daughters grow up the stakes can so often grow up too.
Arguments that were once along the lines of, "I don't think you
should wear clothes that make you look like a hooker"/"Well, you're
just jealous because my legs are better looking than yours," can turn into
something like, "If you get a divorce and break up your children's two
parents you'll be destroying their lives"/"Well, thanks for the
opinion, but you don't have a clue about how things have been for me AND the
children." When the stakes
"grow up" even the otherwise most well behaved of mothers can panic
if they think their daughter is about to "make the biggest mistake of her
life" (and especially if they also think their daughter is going to
"ruin the children's lives forever").
Heels get dug in. The more prone
to emotions the woman is, the nastier it can get (and not all women allow
emotions to take over, contrary to popular belief). Sometimes daughters have a calmer head than
mothers. Sometimes they don't. I'm tended to say, "Either way, hijinks
ensue," but it isn't "hijinks" that ensure. It's something that's not the least bit funny
to either mother or daughter. It's not,
however, envy at the root the "competition". It's control.
The real question is often whether the mother has any right whatsoever
to even want control over what a grown daughter does. Most people (including most mothers, perhaps)
would say that as long as a grown daughter is a competent adult her mother has
no right whatsoever to even want to try to control her. If you think that's an encouraging thought
don't be so encouraged. A whole lot of
mothers don't seem to see that their grown daughter is a perfectly competent
individual who is all those aforementioned "good-things-to-be".
It is perhaps because so many mothers tend to under-estimate the
competence and good sense of their daughters that x percent of power-struggles
take place. Remember that "feminine
grace and elegance" that is a part of so many girls and women? Well, girls and women live in a world where
being feminine and graceful is most often not associated with being
"perfectly competent and capable", even by mothers who have lived
their lives as women (and "low man on the social/economic totem
pole", at least until they had "feminine and graceful" daughters
of their own). There can be another side
to that "feminine-grace" thing, and that's the even though daughters
who are feminine may be at higher risk of not being respected as
"competent and capable" than less feminine daughters; grown daughters
can sometimes also face the double-whammy punch of mothers a) not seeing women
who are feminine as "equally competent", but also b) not being
respected enough by mothers who nonetheless respect in other women (like grown daughters)
being attractive and feminine (but as separate issues from the matter of
competence and capability). So either
way, a lot of grown daughters aren't going to get the right kind of respect
from their mothers.
Sometimes when a mother competes in a power match against her daughter,
she's actually right in believing her daughter is "making the mistake of
her life", and maybe she's even right in trying to prevent her daughter
from making that mistake. Other times,
however, mothers don't know when to draw lines on their own attempts to
"put in their two cents' worth" on their daughter's choices.
Either way, I think it's a minority of instances in which a mother is
"lacking" enough that she envies her daughter's youthful appearance
(or youth, itself). I think it's most
often a matter of the mother's lack of respect for her daughter as a competent,
capable, adult; as well (maybe) as the mother's thinking her own
ideas/approaches are actually superior to her daughter's. That may be "ego", but it sure as
hell is not envy; and it sure as hell has little to do with whether the
daughter is young and pretty.
Sometimes It's Neither A Competition Nor A Power Struggle (Nor Even A
Debate)
In
fairness to emotionally healthy mothers everywhere, the above is not
to suggest that most mothers don't know when to draw lines on their own
behavior. Sometimes, however, even the
most reasonable and emotionally health mother may only appear to her
daughter
that she's crossing some line by voicing her opinion on one matter or
another. One thing I discovered as I started taking my
place among the mothers-of-grown-kids (and
aunts-of-grown-nieces-and-nephews)
"club" was this: As the
younger generation in the family grew up, I was more than aware that
they were
grown up; and I believed (as a novice in the "club") that I should be
very careful not to try "mother" these adults. Instead, I thought, I
should make it a point
to treat them as the adults they were.
In "all my healthy-ness" I knew I had no right to expect
someone like my daughter to do things, or think things, the way I did. I
respected my daughter as an adult. Because of that, I began doing what
I'd do
when talking to any adult. That was to
candidly share my own views/opinions on things "just as discussion"
and certainly not to try to convert anyone or imply that their way was
the
wrong way. I made the mistake of
assuming that my daughter (or any number of other younger-generation
family
members) knew that I, like she (I imagined) understood that it isn't
reasonable
for “opinion-voicers” to expect the
other person to change what's important to her just because of an
opinion.
Here's what I learned, however; and that was that I'd been short-sighted
and inexperienced in being on the "older-person" side of the
equation; because even though most people (regardless of the side of the
equation) understand that there's only so much weight any adult needs to give
to someone else's opinion, it turns out that people like daughters may know
that in their head but not really feel it in their heart, at least when it
comes to someone like a mother. Looking
back at my "novice-as-an-older-person" days, I realize how stupid I
was not to even think about the fact that, even as an adult, I'd always have
preferred to have my mother's approval, rather than not.
I'd been paying so much attention to my own efforts at "letting
go" and "letting newly grown family members grow up", it hadn't
really occurred to me that while I would have to overcome my leanings toward
being protective and motherly, I shouldn't have forgotten the ways in which
people like daughters will always want some types of things from their
mothers/parents. My "rude
awakening" came when I made the mistake of "treating a young, but
adult, family member as an adult" and "simply voicing my
thoughts" on a very serious matter.
After my having been "the protective and supportive adult"
through this family member's lifetime, I suddenly shocked her when I
"called a spade a spade" and assumed she'd understand "the value
of honest, open, communications in families". She was shocked and angered at my
insensitivity. The painful thing was
that the last person in the world I'd ever want to have hurt was she; but,
insensitive I, in fact, had been by not realizing that while I thought I was
being respectful of her as an adult, she had continued to view me as someone on
whom she could always count to be supportive, protective, and kind.
These are things we mothers gradually figure out along the road from
being all wrapped up with what we see in the mirror to a time when our story is
no longer a blank slate onto which we imagine wonderful things and has,
instead, unfolded in colors and music that are so much more than we ever could
have imagined. There's something very
"glory days" about seeing one's story in reality, as opposed to only
being able to imagine what may or may not ever really happen.
My daughter is grown up enough that her wedding is planned for late
Summer. When I look at my grown daughter
I can't imagine even thinking in terms of competing with her. Instead, I see my role now as always staying
that one person who loves her in that powerful and unique way a mother loves
her child; and hope she knows that I'm still here, just 30-or-so years ahead of
her, hoping I can share some of what I've learned and being proud to see
"all the good things to be" that she has always been and still is
today.
